This is a bit of a lost blog: a forgotten post I meant to do but slipped through the cracks....
In early December, we all went out to select The Christmas Tree. I guess the girls got ready in somewhat of a hurry or do not care what they look like walking around Superstore. When we got home, the girls looked at themselves in the mirror and started to laugh. I asked what the laughter was about and they showed me. Selena and Maddy both had some trouble with wardrobe. Selena had mis-buttoned her jacket and Maddie had trouble with her boots. This is what they were laughing about so we took a pic for the blog.
This reminded me of my own clothing malfunction that happened a few years ago...It was so bad I had to write it down. I present my humiliation for your enjoyment entitled
Nice Pants.
“Nice Pants.”
A cautionary tale.
I got an email on Friday morning asking me if the inventory cards were printed so the client could take them to Edmonton on Sunday. Here is the actual email:
Good morning Dean,[The owner] would like to know if he'll have the cards for Edmonton to be able to take with him when he goes there on Sunday ?This kind of annoyed me as I had only been given this massive order a few days prior. The job entailed creating about 36,000 cards on 20 different colours of paper rotating through many sets of stock numbers. A massively complex job. It would a few days to prepare the computer files, let alone print! I pleaded my case:
Hey,I don’t think so. Because of the colour breakdown – I am still creating the [computer files]. I am going to try and print Edmontons today – but then they have to collated and separated too. I will be working straight through here until it is done. I don’t think I can do all that for Sunday. The rest will be printed on Monday. Then collating. I want to ship it Tues/Wed for Red Deer and Calgary. Regards,Dean. The truth was I wasn’t even close to finishing the computer portion of Edmonton’s cards. Since Jesus no longer worked here, there was no way I would have these for Sunday. The customer is always right so I slammed it into overdrive. I worked on the weekend and tried to create most of the computer files needed for Edmonton’s portion of this job. Russ ordered the paper for me on Saturday and Jesus now apparently worked for the paper company. All twenty colours arrived on time on Monday. I was off to the copier place!
Now during all of this, something happened that I was completely unaware of that would lead to a pretty embarrassing moment. It is the purpose of this story. Somewhere during all the running, twisting and driving and stress, something broke down. Usually this kind of breach is dealt with internally. Through various checks and balances, a mistake of this magnitude is caught before one is in the public eye, before it can be discovered by the outside world. But, on this day, the system failed me.
There I was, at the copier place, feeding the print jobs into the copier. 6 pages for this section. Colour switch! 20 pages for that section. Colour switch! And on and on. I had a pretty good relationship with the owner of the copier place and he kindly let me work into the night after the place closed. Another lucky break.
Enter Gary’s (the owner of the copier place) daughter. She had just bought a condo and was checking to see if her Dad had an extra computer lying around she could use temporarily. Gary wanted me to check out this old machine he had in the back. It wouldn’t power up so I got down on my knees to see if it was plugged in. Then she said it. “Nice pants.” And then a joke about how my company should pay me more.
The words kind of flipped past me for a second. I thought I might have missed a belt loop or something. I thought that my pant leg might have been a little frayed. She was smartly dressed so I thought she was extra fussy about style. I untucked my shirt and said something about it being after five so I didn’t “have to be so formal now.” I was busy and had other things to worry about so I went back to the huge task at hand.
Gary left. His daughter left. I was left. Just me and copier. I was pretty good at this job by now. Send computer file. Load right colour of paper in copier. Press start. Only 105 more times to go! As one longer run was going through the copier, I finished the last bit of my “double-double”. It was great there was a Timmy’s nearby. Then nature called. I used the facilities as I usually do with one exception. I looked in the mirror and turned around this time. I wanted to see which belt loop I had missed. There, in all its glory, was a hole the size of Iraq in my pants! This wasn’t just a hole – it was an Act of God. It looked like a cross between an animal bite and an exit hole for a 50mm shell. It looked like my pants had been the victim of a drive-by. Its epicenter was right below the centre belt loop and went about 6 inches south. It was amazing I didn’t feel a draft. It revealed for all to see the colour of my underwear. Gary’s daughter was being quite kind by letting me off with “Nice pants.” I silently promised to send her flowers if she hadn’t already called the police. In about two milliseconds, I mentally retraced my steps and scoured my memory for all public places I had been that day. Ping! Tim Horton’s. I had stood there for a good ten minutes waiting for a sandwich with my back to the seating area. I returned to the copier and took solace in the fact that this story would be funny.…eventually.
